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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25833313">Personal Memories: Broken, But Still Beautiful</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithPerfectClarity/pseuds/WithPerfectClarity'>WithPerfectClarity</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Personal Memories [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Magia Record: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Depression, F/F, Ria should be a trans icon, Romance, Self-Hatred, Substance Abuse, Transphobia, and yes i will die on this hill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:34:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,573</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25833313</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithPerfectClarity/pseuds/WithPerfectClarity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In a moment of inebriated vulnerability, Ria confesses her fears and self-loathing to Mayu. It is a battle to understand the drunk model, but when she does, it's time to return all of the help and motivation Ria's given her over their relationship. Can Mayu convince Ria what no one else has been able to? That she is in fact, *a naturally beautiful girl*?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ami Ria/Kozue Mayu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Personal Memories [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898944</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Personal Memories: Broken, But Still Beautiful</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Another shot… Ria blinks away the fear, the hate, and the worry. After all, now that Mayu and her are alone… “G-irl-frien-d‽” Ria’s voice is halting, and the lilting cadence is almost musical. She slams her palms down on the table, before leaning over it, looming above the older girl. “Am… Am I pretty?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mayu, whose eyes were saucer-esque just a moment ago now breaks down in a fit of the giggles and blushes hard. She hasn’t been keeping up with Ria drink for drink, but it’s obvious to Ria that she’s much further gone. After all… After all… She’s giggling. “Ria-san, everyone knows you’re beautiful. But, I don’t think you should really be calling me your girlf—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ria interrupts her, abruptly falling back into her seat. “Nanami-tan doesn’t…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ria-san!” Mayu clutches her hands to her mouth in shock. “You’re being petty!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slamming her elbow into the table, Ria brandishes a single finger in front of Mayu. “I, the great Ria Ami, am not petty! I am… Ugly.” Ria slumps down, sinking her fingers into her long blonde hair. “I’m hideous. How can anyone—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gently, Mayu’s fingers lace between Ria’s, before pulling them from the girl’s scalp. “Ria-san, you’re not ugly! I don’t know how you can say that. You’re beautiful, and even if you weren’t, you’re—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“—A fraud!” Ria sobs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mayu pauses, processing Ria’s words through the liquor. “I, well, I don’t really think so,” she contradicts, “I think you’re really pretty on the inside as well as the outside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know that… Nanami-san is pretty on the inside. I’m—I’m—” Ria trails off, looking up at Mayu through red-rimmed eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Smiling, the older girl squeezes Ria’s hands. “You’re really passionate, and you help all your friends Ria-san You helped me when I had no idea what to do, and even if you think I’m stupid, I’m a magical girl because of that, and because of you, and that made me really happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Letting her head come to rest on the table, Ria pauses a long moment before shaking it slightly. “No… I should have been better. I just wanted to—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a rare moment of determination, Mayu clutches Ria’s hands even tighter. “OK, maybe I made a bad wish, but I have friends like you now Ria-san, and that makes it better. And you didn’t just help me! You helped Sayuki-chan a lot, and you also help Manaka-san all the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Speaking without looking up, Ria pulls her hands away from her friend and holds them to her head again. “Manaka-chan hates me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeming to catch herself, Mayu resumes her normal demeanor. “I, ehm, I don’t think so Ria-san. Because I like you a lot, and I think other people probably do too. I just… I wish that it was easier for you to see that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pushing herself up, Ria narrows her gaze at Mayu. “What do you mean? Are you saying that I’m hard to… To be around? Because I am the beautiful Ria Ami, and I am a pleasure to… To...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Be around?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Ria reaches for the bottle, but Mayu quickly steals it away. Directing her attention to the smaller black haired girl, Ria leans in. “Tell me why you like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ehm,” Mayu pauses, “I like you because you’re kind, and even though sometimes you miss the point, you always try, and you care a lot. Even before we knew each other, you made the space in your heart to help me, and then when you didn’t think I could help myself, you kept helping me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Ria pauses before snorting. “Not because I’m stunning? You shouldn’t like me. I’m not good for you. I’m not good for Sayuki-chan or Manaka-chan either.” She laughs fakely. “I’m always lying to all of you, and if you knew me, then you’d reeeeally hate me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drawing her hands in close, Mayu seems uncomfortable. “That’s not true. You’re talking in circles, and I really hate it when you do this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mom me.” Ria rounds on the girl, “your ‘miss innocent act’ and it clashes like—like Christmas and New Years. One happens and then the other, not at the same time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mayu looks hurt. Actually, through the haze, Ria can tell that Mayu is tearing up, her small, cute—naturally cute—little, tiny face is all red and flushed with all the upset that she’s feeling. “You’re like a new exhibit!” Mayu’s tone is agitated. “Sometimes, you get it, and sometimes, it makes more sense when it’s all smashed to bits!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ria blinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ria-san,” Mayu’s upset face is crescendoing, “you care so much about everyone else, but when it comes to yourself, all you care about is how you look, and even though you look beautiful, you need someone to take care of you, so I’m trying to do that thing you told me to do and stand tall, and be assertive, but you just keep hurting yourself, and it scares me.” She exhales, seeming to diminish in size.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking away, Ria fiddles with her hair, wrapping a lock around her index finger. “I—I just—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gulping down air, Mayu seems very small. “You should be easier on yourself Ria-san. So many people want to support you like you supported them!” Her voice gets very quiet, but Ria hears perfectly. “What are you so scared of Ria-san?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m…” Ria struggles to put words together, eyes wet with tears but wide to the extreme. Ria sways as she tries to put words to feelings. “I look like a—an ugly. An Ugly boy. That’s what I am Mayu-chan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a long silence where the girls stare at one another. Softly, Mayu cocks her head to the side. “Ehm, what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wished…” So many secrets, they were all teeming on the tip of Ria’s tongue as it slid around the inside of her mouth, sloshing about while lubricated by liquor’s delicate embrace. “I wished to be a </span>
  <em>
    <span>naturally </span>
  </em>
  <span>beautiful girl. Get it? I’m </span>
  <b>ugly.</b>
  <span>” The words felt good to say, even as Ria felt a deep and residing anxiety sink its blade into her stomach. “I’m just a… No matter how much I pretend, it’s not real. If people knew, everyone would hate me. I just want to be… I want to be a normal pretty girl Mayu-chan, but I can’t be, because I’m not. I’m hideous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mayu tries to put together the syllables into a narrative. How little she knew… Ria laughed at herself even as Mayu started to talk.  “But, you helped a lot of people, so even if you wished to be beautiful, you probably always were inside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ria shakes her head. “You don’t get it Mayu-ch-chan. Nobody thinks I’m a girl. I don’t think I’m a girl. I can’t be beautiful if I’m disgusting. Look at this? I wanted to be a beautiful girl, and my jaw is gross, it looks like… Like, man jaw. And my shoulders are—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really broad, which makes you statuesque! There are a bunch of sculptures of warrior women in the—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Tears are streaming freely down Ria’s face now, “I, Ria Ami, am a disgusting fraud. Hate me. Just do it already! I’m just… I’m just… I’m not a real girl!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, gears seem to click. Mayu’s eyes grow wide, and she leans back, taking in Ria in her fullness. There’s a long silence as the two girls regard one another. “See?” Ria’s voice breaks, the desperation seeping out. “I’m a fake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh-uh.” Mayu slowly shakes her head. “Ria,” the lack of a honorific brings Ria’s attention sharply to the other girl, “I think that you were probably always a pretty girl inside. Your wish just made the rest of us see it too.” Delicately, Mayu leans across the table, and gently kisses Ria on the lips, before sinking back into her chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stupefied, Ria blinks away tears. “Oh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Smiling, Mayu speaks in a sugary sweet voice. “Sometimes I think you get yourself all wound up about things, and you make yourself stand tall and be noble, and all those things, but I think that if you let yourself be vulnerable instead, people sometimes are OK with that too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Working her lips a moment before the words form, Ria raises a hand to point at herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing, Mayu nods. “You are a beautiful girl Ria, at least, I’ve always thought so. I know that I often struggle a lot to deal with people, but you’ve always been kind to me, and to my friends as well. Sometimes though, you need to let others take care of you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You kissed…” Ria was suddenly feeling too sober. Her stomach was alive with bubbles popping within it, and her heart was pounding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mayu nods. “You told me my personality attracts attention, and I think that maybe yours does too! Or at least, I think it attracted mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Ria blinks furiously, flushing a deep and unsightly red. “I think that… That…” The liquor was flooding through her system again. “You’d probably get into all sorts of trouble without me around, so I suppose—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mayu giggles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose…” Ria closes her eyes. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really lucky I think.” Mayu’s voice is dripping with… Earnestness. “After all, I think my girlfriend might be the most beautiful girl in Kamihama, or Japan, or maybe the whole world.” Her laugh is delicious, and most of all, it feels genuine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ria can’t help but laugh as well.</span>
</p>
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